


It's Not a Fashion Statement, it's a Death Wish

by Betelguese



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: I think that's all the tags, Not Beta Read, Other, So I'm writing it, ben has a pet octopus, but for some reason there's not one for umbrella academy yet, delores is human, idk im pretty new to this, pogo is human, updates might not be too frequent cause high school's a bitch, your standard harry potter au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Betelguese/pseuds/Betelguese
Summary: On October first, 1989, seven extraordinary witches and wizards were born to seven completely ordinary muggles. These witches and wizards were almost immediately adopted by Sir Reginald Hargreeves, an eccentric but mysterious pureblood wizard who suspected these children were more than just your average muggle born. He homeschooled them in all areas of study, including magic, until the fateful day when it was almost time for the young magic users to attend Hogwarts.Also known as your standard Harry Potter au, since there's not one for the Umbrella Academy yet so someone has to do it





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read, so if you spot any mistakes please point them out. Also, this takes place in the canon Harry Potter universe, but after the events in the books, seeing as the seven were born 9 years after Harry. And yes, the title is a My Chemical Romance song.

_ On October first, 1989, seven extraordinary witches and wizards were born to seven completely ordinary muggles. All of these mothers immediately died upon birth, due to the extraordinary burst of magic these children produced. These witches and wizards were almost immediately adopted by Sir Reginald Hargreeves, an eccentric but mysterious pureblood wizard who suspected these children were more than just your average muggle born. He homeschooled them in all areas of study, including magic, until the fateful day when it was almost time for the young magic users to attend Hogwarts. _

* * *

 

The day started like any other. The adopted siblings made their way down to breakfast, where Reginald Hargreeves was already seated at the head. As the children sat down and their adopted mom Grace set their food in front of them, Reginald spoke up.

“As you know, in one month it will be time for you to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Today Pogo will escort you to Diagon Alley to buy your school supplies and wands. As you have already been taught in potions, magical history, and spell theory you should be ahead of all your classmates.” With the last sentence, he looked directly at Vanya, who was seated at the end of the table. Vanya shrunk in her seat. 

It was no secret that she was not as magically talented as her siblings, no matter how hard she tried. The only thing that Vanya ever seemed to accel at was the violin, which was hardly an accomplishment compared to the magical talents her siblings all possessed. Perhaps Hogwarts could teach her things that Reginald Hargreeves could not.

The family continued to eat their breakfast in silence. As soon as they were done eating, Pogo, Reginald’s personal assistant, shuffled into the room. Pogo was a small man, with half moon glasses a permanent hunch, who would probably be loyal to the pureblood wizard until the end of time. 

“We will be using the floo, so meet me by the fireplace in thirty minutes to depart. Then we will go get your school supplies.” With those words, the old assistant hobbled out of the room.

As soon as the children left the table, Klaus spoke up excitedly.

“I can’t believe we’re finally going to Diagon Alley and getting our own wands! I wanna go to every store! Maybe we can get cool colored robes too!” he rambled.

“Only you would get this excited over a shopping trip, Klaus,” Five quipped, his mouth twitching with amusement.

“Besides Klaus, we’re not going to just buy anything we want. We’re only buying what we need for Hogwarts, and that includes plain black robes, not colored, and we’re not just going to go into every store just because,” Luther stated plainly. Klaus pouted.

“Wait to be a buzzkill, Luther,” Klaus said, disappointed. Ben rolled his eyes at the display, though he found his siblings’ petty arguments quite endearing. 

The siblings got themselves ready for the day before they met Pogo by the fireplace. 

“Are you all ready to go?” The old assistant said. When the children nodded, Pogo grabbed the floo powder from the pot on the mantel and gave each one a handful. Once everyone was prepared, Pogo went up to the fireplace, tossed the powder in, and shouted “Diagon Alley!”

* * *

 

As soon as Klaus stepped out of the fireplace and into the magical city, he was in love. The colorful buildings, the twisting roads, the whimsical people and pets, it was all magical, literally. But before he could go off and explore, Pogo pulled the young boy and his siblings over to Gringotts. Klaus protested loudly at this. 

“Master Klaus, there is no use exploring if you do not have any money.” Klaus pouted but agreed.

“Besides, Klaus, we should probably only buy the things we need,” argued Luther. Luckily, though, Pogo confirmed this statement to be false, saying that Reginald would allow them to buy whatever they wanted, seeing as this was the kids’ first time in Diagon Alley. The rest of the siblings perked up at this. Sir Reginald Hargreeves was strict in all ways, money included, so this was a rare occasion for them. Each child silently agreed to take advantage of this rule.

Once they arrived at the magical bank, Pogo handed a key to a goblin named Griphook, who lead the siblings and assistant over to a cart. Klaus found the cart ride exhilarating. Based on everyone else’s green faces, however, it was easy to tell that no one felt the same way. Griphook looked impartial the whole time.

Eventually, the cart stopped, and everyone clambered out. Griphook handed each child a small velvet bag for money, explaining that it was enchanted to hold as much money as they needed, and then unlocked the door.

The siblings were awestruck when the door opened. They always knew that their adopted father was wealthy, the elaborate mansion being a dead giveaway, but none of them had thought about what that meant. Now though, they were surrounded by all kinds of precious metals and trinkets and jewelry. Each of them grabbed handfuls of galleons, sickles, and knuts to load up their bags, before Pogo escorted the children out of the vault, so they wouldn’t find a certain item…..

After they left the bank, Pogo handed each kid a list of their school supplies, before explaining that everyone would split up into groups of two and three, get their supplies, explore and buy what they wanted, and they reconvene at the pet shop to each choose an animal, before ending with the wand shop. The groups ended up being Luther with Alison, Diego with Klaus and Ben, and Five with Vanya. Everyone then dispersed and began shopping.

_ This is gonna be fun! I can’t wait to finally get a wand! _ Klaus thought. That is until Ben suggested they go to the book store first, and Diego agreed with him! The book store! Ah well. At least soon Klaus’ll get to explore.  _ When in Rome, _ the preteen though, skipping down the cobblestone road.  _ Maybe I can get some pranking supplies while we’re here! _

And with that, the three headed down to Flourish and Blotts.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Hargreeves siblings get all of their supplies and pets

Flourish and Blotts was a tad bit crowded, with tons of shelves towering with colorful books. The store had an old feel, with a slight musty smell, but it was evident that the shop was well taken care of, if not a bit chaotic. Ben was in love.

While the library at home was quite extensive, most of the books were higher level than the school supply list, as well as quite old and dull. These books would

The young wizard knew he could spend hours in the maze of books, but he also knew that his two adopted brothers were sure to not feel the same way. So Ben decided to find the most efficient way to navigate the bookstore and buy all of their needed books while still allowing Ben to explore.

“Ok, so here’s the plan.” Ben said, consulting his list. “We’ll each split up so that each person will only have to find some of the books, and then each person will grab three copies of said book so that we have everything we need. Diego, you will grab _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1, A History of Magic,_ and _Magical Theory_ , Klaus will grab _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ as well as _The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_ , and then I will grab the rest.” This way, Ben could slip in a book or two for him to read in his free time without his siblings noticing.

“Wait - why do I have to get more books than Klaus?” Diego asked, outraged.

“Because I don’t trust Klaus as much,” Ben replied simply. Diego nodded while Klaus looked outrage to see his siblings gang up on him. The three brothers parted ways after each grabbing an enchanted book bag to put everything in, entering the maze of books to find what they needed.

Ben had long since learned how to navigate book stores, and he was fairly certain that this book store would be sorted by subject for convenience, so he went up to the workers and politely asked where the potions and herbology books were. She pointed in one direction and Ben walked over, easily pulling off three copies of _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ and _Magical Drafts and Potions,_ only to find that the Transfiguration was in that area too, so he pulled down several copies of _A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration_ and but that in the bag too. Ben knew that Klaus and Diego were too stubborn to ask for help, and therefore would not be ready for a little while longer. And so, Ben decided to explore.

Eventually, he found himself in the muggle literature section. This of course made Ben excited, seeing as he was never allowed to read muggle novels. As long as Reginald never saw them though, it would be fine. After all, Reginald Hargreeves won’t be going through their school supplies. In fact, Sir Hargreeves made it abundantly clear that he would not be checking to see that each of his adopted children had all of the necessary materials for the school year.

After tracing his hand down the spines off all the books, Ben ended up selecting _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_ , _The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe_ , _The Tempest_ by William Shakespeare, and _Frankenstein_ by Mary Shelley. He hid them amongst the other books, not that Diego and Klaus would look too closely anyway. Ben just hoped that Luther wouldn’t see them and report to their adopted father. Ben decided that he would just put the books at the bottom of his bag.

The young wizard decided to go ahead and pay for the books that he had and wait for Diego and Klaus.

After exactly twelve minutes and forty six seconds (Ben kept count) Diego emerged from the maze of books. He looked at Ben with awe and confusion.

“How did you manage to find all of the books so quickly?” Diego asked, confused.

“It’s one of my many skills,” Ben replied. Diego shook his head in amusement and went to go check out. After another five minutes, Klaus walked over to his adopted siblings.

“You had to grab less books than both of us, and somehow you still managed to finish last,” Diego remarked. Klaus pouted.

“I got lost,” was his excuse. They then paid for the rest of the books, storing them in their bottomless money bags, and headed to their next stop: Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions.

Klaus couldn’t wait to see all of the wizard fashion. Reginald had always had them wear the same boring robes everyday. Now though, he could buy all kinds of cool robes, in every color of the rainbow!

But all his hopes and dreams were crushed when he saw the Hogwarts uniforms.

“These are all just plain black! This isn’t a fashion statement, it’s a deathwish!” Klaus cried as Madam Malkin pinned the robes on his body in order to alter them.

“Oh please, you aren’t dying. You’ll be fine,” Diego said, fed up with Klaus’s behavior.

“It’s killing all my creativity! How am I supposed to work with plain black robes when there’s a dress code! This is outrageous!” Diego rolled his eyes at Klaus but did not reply. Madam Malkin, listening to their conversation, decided to speak up.

“If you want, deary, I have some casual and dress robes I can modify to be your size. You won’t be able to wear them during the week at Hogwarts, but you can wear them on the weekends. I have them in quite a few colors.” she said. Klaus perked up at this.

“Yes please!” Soon after, Madam Malkin was done with all the measurements she had to make, so the three wizards paid and left the shop.

The three bought the rest of their supplies without incident, except for when Klaus wanted to buy a solid gold cauldron, but Ben shut him down. Now that they had everything they need, they could buy whatever they wanted! Diego, however, immediately dragged his two adopted brothers to Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment, where a collection of fancy knives were on display. Ben rolled his eyes but the three walked in anyway.

Diego immediately gravitated towards the knives, which were enchanted to never miss a target. They were pricey, but Reginald Hargreeves was a rich man, so Diego didn’t feel guilty about spending his money.

Klaus walked around the store, not seeing anything interesting, but he did buy a few gold knick knacks, simply because he could.

Ben, however, was drawn towards a small silver statue of what looked like octopus tentacles. The description said that the statue was enchanted to protect the owner against large bursts of magic, which was sure to be useful. There was also something in the back of Ben’s mind telling him he would need it in the future.

The three purchased the items, then Klaus pulled his siblings to Zonkos to buy some pranking supplies. Klaus asked Ben where he wanted to go next, but Ben declined, having already bought what he wanted to at the bookstore.

After they finished in Zonko’s the three headed to Magical Menagerie, where everyone else was already waiting.

* * *

 

Nothing super eventful happened while Luther and Allison bought their supplies, and they finished quickly. After they got everything they needed, Allison dragged Luther over to the sweet shop, where they pigged out on different candies and chocolates. They also bought some butterbeer, which was the most delicious thing that either of them had ever tasted.

Next Allison went to a small jewelry store, where she bought herself a small golden locket. Luther didn’t really see the need for jewelry, but surprisingly he didn’t protest when she bought it.

Luther then insisted on going to Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment, where he bought a small device that always tells him the moon’s position. Luther was always fascinated by the moon, after all. Allison didn’t buy anything at Wiseacre’s though, nothing there looked interesting.

The two decided to sit outside the Magical Menagerie and talk while they waited for the rest of their siblings. They talked about their family, about Hogwarts, about houses, anything to pass the time until their siblings finished shopping. After a little while, Five and Vanya showed up, Vanya holding - was that a violin case?

* * *

 

Vanya felt very awkward around Five. He was very efficient, finding everything they needed in record time. Most of the time Vanya felt like she was trailing behind Five like a lost puppy. She didn’t really do anything, as Five grabbed most of the supplies on her own, until they were done and could go free shopping.

When she asked Five where he wanted to go, he said he had no use for more material items, and that it was up to her. So Vanya let Five to a store that sold musical instruments.

Seeing as it was obvious that Vanya did not have the same magical capabilities as her siblings, Reginald had let her learn music instead. Her favorite happened to be the violin, but she learned on an old instrument that was due for replacement. So she decided to buy her own.

Five raised an eyebrow at her choice of store but said nothing. Vanya walked straight to the violin section and looked over all of her options. She was immediately drawn to a deep chestnut colored violin. Taking it off the wall, she rested her chin on the chin rest and imagined her pulling the bow across the strings. It was a great fit.

She took the violin up to the cashier after grabbing a simple black case for it and paid for her new instrument. Taking the case by the handle, the two walked out of the shop. As soon as they were outside, Five confronted Vanya.

“Why a violin? Don’t you already have one?” he asked.

“I do, but it’s old and needs to be replaced anyway,” Vanya replied. Five nodded, satisfied. As they had begun to walk towards the pet shop, they passed Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. Looking at each other, Vanya and Five silently agreed to get ice cream. Vanya ordered strawberry and Five ordered vanilla.

After eating their ice cream, they headed to the Magical Menagerie where Allison and Luther were already waiting.

“Of course any group with Klaus would be last,” Five said, causing the other three to burst into giggles. They talked a bit, and a few minutes later Klaus, Ben, and Diego all showed up. Pogo joined them a minute later.

“Now that you all are here, you can each choose one pet. Make sure you have everything you need for said pet. You wouldn’t want to abuse your animals,” the old assistant said. The Hargreeve siblings nodded before entering the shop.

Allison, Klaus, and Vanya were immediately drawn to the cats. A large tabby cat immediately jumped up to Allison, and a smaller black cat walked up to Klaus. Both siblings in question fell in love with those respective cats. A tiny calico cat then timidly approached Vanya, so she decided to adopt that one.

Meanwhile, in a different area of the shop, Luther, Diego, and Five were all looking at owls. Five immediately picked out a beautiful snowy owl. Luther chose a barn owl, and Diego picked out a screech owl.

Ben, being the unique individual he is, chose an octopus. But it was a special octopus that didn’t need to live in water. Granted, it liked living in a tank, but it often stayed above the water. Said octopus, upon seeing Ben, emerged from his tank to sit upon Ben’s shoulder. Ben fell in love. William, as Ben named him (named after William Shakespeare, the muggle author who Ben couldn’t wait to read) seemed to love Ben just as much.

Needless to say, his siblings and Pogo were very surprised when Ben showed up with an octopus, but none of them said anything. Having everything they needed, the eight of them headed to Ollivander’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be them getting their wands, and possibly going to Hogwarts.
> 
> Tumblr:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/betelgeusetheunnatural


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I really have no excuse. I've just been busy I guess

The seven and Pogo made their way to Ollivanders. Allison couldn’t wait to finally get her wand. She had been waiting for this day for years, but of course it was illegal to practice spells outside of Hogwarts until you were seventeen, so she had no use for a wand. Now though, she finally could get one!   
  
Luther went first, as he always did. He found his want fairly quickly, after the fourth or fifth try. His wand was 11 inches, with a dragon heartstring core. Diego went next, and after trying only 3 wands received a 10 inch wand with a Phoenix feather core. Allison then stepped up.   
  
She tried about 8 wands, each one breaking something different, before Ollivander handed her a beautiful, light colored wand.   
  
“13 inches, veela hair core, willow wood. Swishy, good for charms and healing. Veela hair is hard to collect, but very powerful. Give it a wave, will you?” Allison nodded, before waving the wand.   
  
In a burst of golden light, all the broken objects in the shop repaired themselves, and a gentle breeze flowed through the shop. Allison immediately brightened, knowing that this wand had chosen her.   
  
Ollivander nodded approvingly. “Take good care of it,” he said, before moving on to Klaus    
  
Allison vaguely paid attention as Klaus tried a little over a dozen wands, before settling on a short, dark wand with a thestral hair core. All she could think about was the brand new wand in her hand. Five, Ben, and Vanya each got Phoenix feather, dragon heartstring, and unicorn hair cores respectively, with varying lengths.   
  
Now that they all had their wands, the seven siblings and Pogo made their way back to the Hargreeves mansion. As expected, Sir Reginald was not waiting for them, but Grace was. She smiled at them and asked politely which wands and pets the siblings received. 

 

After talking to their mom, the seven made their way to their respective rooms. Ben plopped on his bed, William still wrapped around his shoulder, and dug out his Muggle books, after making sure to lock his doors so that no one saw what he was reading.

 

He decided to start with  _ The Tempest _ seeing as he named his new pet after Shakespeare himself. 

 

Ben has been reading for almost an hour, completely emerged in the story when Grace knocked on his door and announced that it was time for dinner. Ben immediately hid his book, making sure to mark his place, and placed William in his tank, before he headed down for dinner.

 

Dinner was uneventful. Grace had cooked meatloaf, which was delicious as always, and everyone ate in silence. After dessert, which was bread pudding, and everyone was excused, the siblings decided to go to Luther’s room, which was the biggest, and hang out with each other and their pets.

 

“What houses do you think we’ll all be in?” Diego asked, stroking his owl he named Blade. Everyone else thought it was a stupid name for an owl but didn’t say anything.

 

“Allison will probably be in Slytherin,” Klaus said, causing the girl in question to slap him.

 

“Vanya is totally a Hufflepuff,” Allison said. “With Klaus.”

 

“Hey! I am not a Hufflepuff! I’m a Gryffindor!” Klaus responded. 

 

“Actually, I think I’m a Ravenclaw,” Vanya said, but no one heard her over the discussion, besides Five who nodded in agreement.

 

They continued talking, none of them agreeing what house they would each be in, before it was time for each child to return to their respective rooms. 

 

Vanya sat on her bed and, after feeding her cat she named Treble after the little treble clef shaped marking on its back, she sat in her bed and observed her new violin.

 

She wanted to play it, but curfew meant that no sounds, and lights out was in a few minutes anyway. So Vanya was content to simply run her hands down the strings and finely carved wood. Afterward, she slowly lowered the instrument into its case, before snapping the case shut and placing it on her desk. She got ready for bed and crawled under the covers just as the lights were shut out.

* * *

 

The last few weeks before the start of the Hogwarts term passed without incident. Klaus couldn’t wait to leave the boring Hargreeves mansion behind and finally go to Hogwarts. 

 

Soon enough, September 1st rolled around, and it was time for the Hargreeves to go to Hogwarts. Grace has already packed for them so when the day arrived, surely it would be easy enough to simply grab their stuff and go?

 

Oh, how very wrong that was. Treble and Blade decided that they didn’t like their travel cases, and did everything they could to avoid them. Klaus delayed everyone by trying on tons of different accessories and outfits. Vanya, being tiny, was struggling with carrying both her violin and Treble. The rest of the siblings were also running around, making last minute preparations, except for Ben who stood quietly at the door, all prepared, with William on his shoulder.

Eventually, the seven got all of their stuff together, and made their way to the car that Reginald had managed to rent for them. Usually the pureblood was against all forms of muggle technology, but Platform 9 ¾ had no flu and the children were not old enough to apparate, so a car would have to do. The driver loaded all of their school supplies into the vehicle as they all piled in.

 

“Remember children, if anyone asks, you are purebloods. Not half bloods, and certainly not mudbloods. Preferably you would all be sorted into Slytherin, but seeing as you are all very different, that is unlikely. If anyone asks about your lineage, you are Sir Reginald Hargreeves’ heirs. Do not tell them that you are adopted. Understand” Reginald barked. The seven nodded in agreement, and the rest of the ride went in silence. 

 

Once they finally arrived at King’s Cross, the driver put all of their stuff on separate trolleys so that each young witch and wizard could roll their own stuff to the train. Reginald lead them through the wall separating platforms 9 and 10. The children looked in awe at the bright red train and all the witches and wizards surrounding them, as they were quite sheltered, but Reginald simply marched forward. He gestured for them to get on the train before leaving without a second thought. 

 

The seven found an empty compartment to all sit in. After dropping off their luggage, they all sat down, their pets next to them. The train started moving shortly after, and the Hargreeves siblings got a jolt of excitement each.

 

They were finally going to Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. At least we'll be at Hogwarts! Finally


End file.
